November 3, 2013

Perspective

All things have been put into perspective this week.

I will not go into details, but the little things in my life, that I was beginning to make big, have been put into perspective. Through events, comments, and an accidental page turn in the Bible this morning, I have realized nothing is more important than God, my husband and my child.

This week was very rough, I am so thankful for the blessings God has showered over my family. From my mother's health, my sister's future wedding to a great man, to Amelia's growth from a little jelly bean in my stomach to an active 4 month old. All things are great and gifts from God.

Today at church we were continuing a lesson on idols, we were to begin with Ecclesiastes (with Solomon and his lessons). As I thumbed through the pages I landed on Proverbs 31, the last chapter before Ecclesiastes. It was as if God knew I needed to read this.


 
Ever since becoming pregnant getting married, I have had a voice (my own voice) telling me I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't getting things right, I wasn't deserving. I have battled with that little voice and basically over achieved in all areas possible just to feel as though I was winning.
 
Then, the pregnancy. Because advice from every corner of the earth was not enough, I had my little voice of destruction booming in the background. I think all women hear such a voice during their adult life. The pressures of being a wife, partner and soon mother can tear any confident female to pieces. No matter how strong willed I was I could feel the weight of not being good enough creep back.
 
During late pregnancy self doubt (little voice) took charge and I lost much of my confidence. Be it body image, ability to handle the house, the unknown of how to care for a child, the inevitable future of juggling all that I felt important, and to still be a wife, it was all overwhelming.
 
I will admit, four months out and back at work/coaching, YES it is hard, but I know what certain cries mean and I love the connection I have with my daughter. I still feel like I am treading motherhood water and barely keeping my nose above water in all other aspects of my life. Reading Proverbs 31 today gave me confidence, and a trust that God would guide me away from such self destructive thoughts. I am talented and I am doing pretty good.
 


 
Some people have the mistaken idea that the ideal woman in the Bible is retiring, servile , and entirely domestic. NOT SO! This woman is an excellent wife, mother, manager, seamstress, merchant, and so on! Her strength and dignity do NOT come from her amazing achievements, however, they are a result of her reverence for God. In our society where physical appearance counts for so much, her appearance is never mentioned. Her attractiveness comes entirely from her character.

I am a Proverbs 31 woman, and that little voice just got smaller. Thank you God for giving me so many blessings, teaching me through events bigger than myself, and for helping put things in perspective this week.

Now, pictures of my little blessing learning to pick things up.