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Letting go of expectations. Part Two

Letting go of expectations. Part Two


Here we are, if you read that long first post, I am proud of you. I didn't expect you to make it this far. Haha, see what I did there?

In the spirit of being real, the next few months were difficult, and sometimes almost sitcom comical. As much as I want to tell you every detail, what happened is never as important as what you learned. So let me give you a taste life lessons.

Spring Chaos

I got to plan prom, and do another year of Tiger Dance Co. These two very large events landed ONE WEEK from each other. I was bitter. How did I do this to myself? I felt like my job, and people, expected me to be able to do it all. Granted, even under pressure and stress, both events went off without a hitch. I was actually proud of both. During the planning of these events I was also going to therapy and at one point I was told to DELEGATE. That word kills me.

Nobody could possibly do it as well as me. Huge eye roll.

I was wrong.

I had this group of amazing students who stepped up and basically ran Tiger Dance Co. for me, from music to costumes and programs. I am missing them now.

I had another group of amazing students and parents come along and help me with the Junior prom as well! I had so many people help tear down, including my husband, that we were done in less than an hour. Boom.

Looking back, I should have been grateful for the people who came along side me. I was so impressed with the students and the mom who walked into the end of prom to help tear down, with a McDonalds Diet Coke for me, she was the real winner.

Sweet Sweet Summer

May proved crazy with a mix of weddings to shoot and graduations to attend (our youngest brother graduated high school!) and being run down from the school events, man I was a mean person to be around. Even delegating couldn't help my expectations for what I thought life should look like at that point in the year.

Ben's parents moved out, and that was an adjustment. I expected things to just go back to normal. What things? Relationships, household setups, communication. Honest, it was a hard transition back to whatever normal I once knew.

After some tension in our home, Ben and I made some changes, had some hard talks and guess what, we found a NEW normal. He even called me out on some of my unrealistic expectations and I was firm in things I didn't think were outrageous. From there we grew, we leaned in, and were more realistic.

Are we perfect?

Yes.

Haha, no! So far from it. There is NO perfect marriage, or family and if you are holding on to be like "that person" or "that marriage" you are missing out on your true, and beautifully normal family, marriage, and self.

In other amazing news, summer brought lots of weddings and Amelia did swim team (she was so good at it!) We did a few more things to the house and celebrated Ben's, mine, and Amelia's birthdays!

Crazy Fall

We used this new found relationship muscle and me letting go of some expectations to Invite more people over to our house. We went on family "bear hunts" - this is when we go for walks in nature. Ben really stepped up with the kids when I was going crazy in October as a photographer. Making the trip to West Lafayette for Purdue University Football games was often met with heartbreak. We can talk expectations with that team at a later time. We met with a financial adviser and are making plans for the future. Plans that will make us steady and happy. We try to verbalize our expectations for the week, dinner, how we need to feel supported and or loved.

We still struggle, and our youngest child is proving to be strong willed, and our oldest is just like me and flips out if I tell her what time we are leaving and we are late (she is cut from the same cloth as me). Hearing the words "Amelia, you have to stop setting up expectations and if they aren't met, be mean to everyone about it." - come from my mouth, is truly, ironic.

Big Lessons

You can't measure your life to movies, other people's stories, or highlight reels on social media. 

Before you push information out in the world, ask yourself: 

"What do I expect from this, information, picture, video?"

I have posted less, shared less, and made more eye contact than lens contact. I want to savor more of the real, and less of the scripted. I am learning to expect real emotions and the roll with them. 

So, what do I expect from these blogs?
  1. I expect a mom who feels pressured to live up to something, to let it go.
  2. I expect someone who is drifting in a job that is draining, to make plans to change for a new, and more fruitful future.
  3. I expect people to share their real stories of struggle.
  4. I expect readers to let go of the stigma of going to see at therapist. 
  5. I expect people to see the beauty of Christ in my story, and more importantly their own story.
I just finished one of my favorite devotional of all time, Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are. by Shauna Niequist and in one of the opening devotions she says:

You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a sound worth tending....

So here I go, in 2020 I will tell more stories, remember more memories, chase my dreams, and feed my body, and tend to my soul. Would you like to come along?
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